“Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free”


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glass milk - creative commons wikimedia

So I am officially fed up. I’m fed up with people coming up with excuses for why our generation has not settled down. In particular why men in my age group and older have not settled down. Just this weekend my husband, a friend, and I got into the conversation.

Then I woke up Monday morning and read an article on Elite Daily entitled “Men Are Statistically Incapable Of Marriage Until After 30… So Stop Worrying, Ladies“. Basically the article says that men don’t mature mentally until they are about 43 (which in itself seems ridiculous to me because up until recently – and still true in some parts of the world – that was basically the life expectancy, the end of ones life, old age…).

The article also cited stuff like financial woes, living at home, and being scared of the unknown.
– It’s not financial woes because generally speaking married couples are more financially stable than singles.
– It’s not cause they are living at home (see the previous point). Couples are more financially stable. So it’s easier to afford to move out (granted that new home may not be a mansion, but at least it’s not your childhood bedroom).
– And well if the man in question is afraid of the unknown well then he’s afraid of life, In which case he has bigger problems to deal with than wanting or not wanting to get married. (and he’s probably not someone you should be considering as a life partner)

My husband’s version of the story is that marriage is financially risky. Citing some of his friends that got divorced and found themselves sharing apartments with college students while their former wives kept their homes and the kids. At first I was annoyed with him too. As far as I was concerned his explanation was another example of the B.S. excuses that people come up with. But then I realized in a way he’s right.

Less men are getting married these days because they have little to gain from that situation. In our current society they can get almost all of the pros of marriage without the negatives that come with the official bond.

After all what is marriage other than an extended contract for sex and companionship?

So yes ladies, I’m agreeing with my father… I mean really? Why is he going to buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?

As things stand sex is ever present and always accessible. Yes, some studies say that married men and women actually do it/get it more than their single counterparts… But somehow our modern society would like us to believe that married sex is boring (when I swear it isn’t). So who wants or needs marriage for that?

That leaves the other and perhaps more worrisome part of the equation.

Relationships too have become transient. A lot of men have decided that occasional companionship may not be great, but it’s good enough. After all, they have their jobs, a roof over their heads, food on the table (sometimes still prepared by mom according to the Elite Daily article) and they are still getting sex whenever the need arises. So why bother with the heartache and trouble that comes with maintaining and cultivating relationships that could potentially lead to marriage?

After all a steady relationship for a man means being asked what time they’re coming home, and to pick up a box of tampons along the way. Plus (as my husband puts it) the pesky thought that divorce means she may walk away with half (or more) of all the worldly possessions he worked so hard for.

So what we women that want sex + companionship have to say is you can drink all the milk you want, you just have to get to know me first… And the men will be FORCED to follow suit.
Granted they aren’t willing to tell us that cause that’s not in their best interest.

Also because by having sex with an individual before actually getting to know them you’re signalling that the physical is more important than the emotional. Now if that’s the case that’s a perfectly fine adult decision you are entitled to make. I just think it’s ridiculous to say it with words or with your actions “I just want your body” and then complain to your girlfriends “he’s not interested in anything else”.

Finally because people have a really hard time appreciating anything they don’t have to work hard to obtain. Don’t ask me why, but that’s just how it is. So make him work for it. When he finally gets a taste of it, he’ll like it all the more. And in the process he may just find out what an awesome person you are.

So basically ladies, just stop giving your milk away for free!


Disclaimers: I don’t think everyone in the world should get married. I don’t think it’s a good idea to be unhealthy and/or abusive relationship for the sake of saying “hey I’m married”. I almost always refer to relationships (and marriage) between a man and a woman because that’s been my experience (not because I think that’s the way it ought to be). Yes, I know a couple (actually personally) that did it right away and are on their way to marital bliss (that’s the exception not the rule). Not giving away the goodies to all those that come knocking is just the first step in the process of finding true love… keeping ready the blog for more of my real life ups and downs in my prince charming.

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